Not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these (flowers of the fields).

 

谁能说这样的话呢？谁是真正的艺术家？《蒙娜丽莎的微笑》中，朱丽亚罗伯茨质问她的优等生，谁能说一件作品是不是艺术品？谁有资格评定？谁能说什么是真正的美？

 

我在上海的时候，也问过国栋这个问题。

 

这几天看了一些于丹讲论语。我很喜欢她说，最深的真理，都是朴素的。

 

花开在野地里，它说了什么？谁晓得它们的自然，颜色，经络，要比人类历史中最耀眼的服饰还要美丽？

 

神的评语，可以让我们静默了么？可以让我们沉淀了么？

 

往外走，要走多远呢？膨胀，要到哪个地步呢？

 

当你坐在各各他山脚下，对着那古旧的，羞辱的，血泪斑斑的十字架时，心里的欲望会不会收声了？

 

年岁，变迁，风浪。。只有耶稣的十字架，安静，沉默，笃定的。。你忘记了吗？在哪里才有真的平安？真的眼光？真的道路？

 

天何言哉？他只讲给愿意听的人。

 

 

 

His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness.

 

Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature and escape the corruption in the world caused by evil desires.

 

For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love.

 

For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.

 

But if anyone does not have them, he is nearsighted and blind, and has forgotten that he has been cleansed from his past sins.

 

Therefore, my brothers, be all the more eager to make your calling and election sure. For if you do these things, you will never fall, and you will receive a rich welcome into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

 

 

 

 

 

 

等班车的时候，耳机里响起那首《我们呼求》，我立刻就想起了Joseph在我家客厅里带敬拜的样子。同在港大团契两年多，直到要离开的日子才变得亲近和信任起来。他对敬拜的热情和恩赐，和他在敬拜中的投入，都对我有很大的影响。我很享受那些排练的时光，用心灵，用赞美，用祷告，我们这群弟兄姐妹仿佛手牵手的进入到神的同在中。敬拜是一种奇妙的事奉，在古时以色列人用赞美支起了神的宝座，带下神的能力，击退仇敌。今天的我们同样如此。我很久之后才明白林慈信牧师的那句话，敬拜，而不是爱，才是人心中最深的渴望。

 

我还想起临行前跟joseph,jay,isabella在港大为刘同苏讲座预备的敬拜。那次的经历很美妙，虽然之前有波折，有误会。。感激天父给了我这个机会，成就了我对港大最后一幕美好的回忆。弟兄们和睦同居的美善，我自那之后还没有感受过。每个人都仿佛一朵云，温暖的环绕在你的周围。

 

这一代中国人大概不容易明白弟兄姐妹的意义，因为我们都是独生子女。于我而言，弟兄姐妹这个词也常常不过是个称号，一个概念。真的直到冲突过了，破碎掉了，真实的自己露出来，被柔和的接纳了，被欢愉的喜爱了，以各样的方式互动着，辉映着，追赶着，扶持着。。。我才明白，我与他们，是葡萄树上同气连枝的枝子，一起呼吸，欢笑，成长，在神的天空下土壤里，随着圣灵的风飞舞。。

 

那种快乐，是难以言传的。。

他既强盛，就心高气傲，以至行事邪僻，干犯耶和华他的神，进耶和华的殿，要在香坛上烧香。历代志霞26：16

 

一旦我们把“成功”当作神，骄傲就会迅速滋长，最后遍满我们的灵魂。骄傲滋生的结果就是无尽的痛苦。当它引导所有基督徒的行动将可见的成功视作追求的目标时（这种行动对许多现代人而言似乎最显而易见，像商业行为一样），常会为那些自认成功的人带来不属灵的自负，虚荣，也为那些自认失败的人带来不属灵的沮丧，绝望；它是一切肤浅与表面化的源头。只要我们设定好合乎圣经的正确目标，采纳合乎圣经的正确途径来加以实现，并尽己所能评估我们已追求到什么地步，根据这评估再来作出某种修正，然后我们才会知道：健康与谦卑之道就是承认自己无法作出最后的分析，也不知道自己成功到什么程度，只有神知道。智慧说：让神来衡量何谓成功，你只管活出自己的基督教信仰。这才是忠诚的宗教信仰，而非对个人成就的偶像崇拜。

 

- J.I.Parker

 

有时候看孩子们的科学问卷真是让人喷饭。

Question: Why does horse have fur?

Answer: Because if not, it is not beautiful

 

Question: What are the four stages of an animal's life cycle?

Answer: Egg, grow, more more grow, became mom.

 

 

 

为什么爱我？

不是因为你好，不是因为你做了什么，说了什么，有什么用，不是因为你漂亮。

 

我爱你因为我。

 

I am who I am.

I love you because I love.

 

在神，真的没法谈理由。任何一个理由都配不上他的行为或智慧。

正如他无法指着任何东西起誓，因为没有比他更大的；

他无法使用任何其他的东西来定义自己，因为其他的任何东西都是被他创造的；

他无法用任何低于自己的理由来解释自己的行为，因为其他的任何东西都是有限，是不足，唯独他是一切，是完全，完满，完美。

 

他自己是唯一的理由。

 

追求吧，别满足于低于神的任何目标，因为那一切都不会令你满足。

 

 

 

 

我对古典赞美诗情有独钟，并不是没有理由的。只有它们才真的可以带领我的敬拜进入水深之处。对神的知识，敬畏，真理。。。

 

这首Be Still, My Soul是这几天神给我的恩典。一行一行的慢慢的唱过去，好像医治的膏油，缓缓的平息忧虑，使信心的眼光清晰起来。。

 

Be still my soul, The Lord is on thy side;

Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain;

Leave to thy God to order and provide;

In every change He faithful will remain.

Be still my soul; thy best, thy heavenly Friend.

Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

 

Be still my soul; thy God doth undertake

To guide the future as He has the past.

Thy hope, thy confidence, let nothing shake;

All now mysterious shall be bright at last.

Be still my soul; the waves and winds still know

His voice who ruled them while He dwelt below.

 

Be still my soul, though dearest friends depart

And all is darkened in the vale of tears;

Then shlt thou better know His love, His heart,

Who comes to soothe thy sorrows and thy fears.

 

Be still my soul; the hour is hastening on

When we shall be forever with the Lord.

When disappointment, grief, and fear are gone

Sorrows forgot, love's purest joys restored.

Be still, my soul; when change and tears are passed,

All safe and blessed we shall meet at last.

 

 

----

 

Be still my soul; thy Jesus can repay

From His own fullness all He takes away.

这句话让我停下来了，可以很好的默想。

thy Jesus

can

repay

from His own

fullness

all

He takes away

 

Amen.

 

 

是个迟到的祝福，亲爱的。愿你今天一天都快乐。

 

主，我祈求被你挑旺，以你的方式使我成为柴薪；

愿我不祷告祈求，免受那击打你的风雨的侵袭；

当我应胸怀壮志，愿我不感恐惧；

当我应力臻更高境界，愿我不犹疑不定；

不做未经风霜，平顺的自己；

 

神羔羊啊，帮我不牵挂那使人较弱，柔软的一切；

不受容易的决定，令人软弱事物的影响；

因我的灵不会因此刚强，不会因此被钉死；

帮我不受那模糊你加略山大爱的一切所惑；

 

赐下带领我前程的爱；

不使我失志的信心；

不令我灰心沮丧与磨损的盼望；

赐我像烈火般焚烧的热情；

让我不堕落成一块泥土；

而能成为你的柴薪，上帝的火焰。

 

-- 贾艾梅

 

 

到10点多才把给C的生日礼物做好，按照我之前的标准，它还远远不够精致。可是我已经没有力气了。昨儿突然感到浑身不适。我一直都有些亚健康，但过去的两周我的身体感觉很好，精神也好，连“微恙”的迹象都没有。我很开心，也很感恩。但自周日接了妈妈的电话后，心情再度开始沉重。。圣经上说喜乐的心乃是良药，这句话很确实。早晨犹豫了很久，若不是C的生日，我大概就请假了。我想我还是有些受制于取悦她的念头，一路都在思考如何设计今早的surprise。渐渐的紧张起来。当我意识到自己过度了的时候，就决定要放手。我需要自由，做与不做的自由，做的好不好的自由。于是我呼出一口气，对着主说，我不管了，还是交给你吧。我活着并不为讨别人的喜悦。主，我晓得你喜欢我。

 

基督徒是全然自由的众人之主，不受任何人辖制；

基督徒是全然顺服的众人之仆，受一切人管辖。

 

我昨天又一次读了《拒绝的根》，比起第一次读它的时候，我已经长进了很多。之前的我总是会努力在别人的赏识中获取自己有价值的证据。现在我对此多了一些意识，也会不断地提醒自己要努力在表扬与批评里得到自由。老毛的那句话是对的，对于批评，有则改之，无则加勉。对于赞扬，圣经上说得好，人的称赞是一种试炼。若我全盘接受了别人对我的评论，我就会变成他们口中的样式。。不看自己，只把自己交给窑匠，任由他工作，才是唯一的通往自己的道路。。

 

btw，C很喜欢我们的礼物。她给我带来的一个blessing就是，我在做事上进一步放弃了完美主义。她能make do。另外，first thing first...Always the truth.

 

刚开始到四川教孩子的时候，如果课上得不好，孩子反应不如预期中的热烈，我就会很有挫败感，心情会被影响，也会不断的反思。有时候可能会找到一些原因，有些时候却无迹可寻。。后来我慢慢的认识到，总有些事情是我不能控制也不能把握的。比如今天我们都很期待的一个游戏，有些孩子说累了，有些不想参加，有些违反规则伤害彼此。。走回来的时候大家都有点沮丧。Khye低声说I'm starting to hate this game.

 

我让大家排队站好，跟他们聊了一会儿。其实自己也很伤心，但同时我也意识到，when things go wrong, don't get into the habit of blaming. 不要怪自己，不要怪别人。。There're no mistakes, just lessons to be learned.

 

学习保守自己的心，常在无亏欠的平安里。。如果错了，承认错误，不要内疚。如果没有错，不要内疚。。Stop feeling guilty and move on, as quickly as you can.

 

 

 

亲爱的兄弟啊，我愿你凡事兴盛，身体健壮，正如你的灵魂兴盛一样。 -- 约翰三书2

 

。。。全然健康的秘诀端在她（轮椅上的画家Joni Eareckson Tada)接纳自己身体的缺陷与欠安乃是从神而来，而将自己重新奉献给他，让他能为自己的颂赞来作成他的工，并求他保守你以甜美，镇定与忍耐的态度来与这身体共存。

 

-- J.I.Parker

 

The key to the missionary’s difficult task is in the hand of God, and that key is prayer, not work— that is, not work as the word is commonly used today, which often results in the shifting of our focus away from God. The key to the missionary’s difficult task is also not the key of common sense, nor is it the key of medicine, civilization, education, or even evangelization. The key is in following the Master’s orders— the key is prayer. "Pray the Lord of the harvest . . . ." In the natural realm, prayer is not practical but absurd. We have to realize that prayer is foolish from the commonsense point of view.

From Jesus Christ’s perspective, there are no nations, but only the world. How many of us pray without regard to the persons, but with regard to only one Person— Jesus Christ? He owns the harvest that is produced through distress and through conviction of sin. This is the harvest for which we have to pray that laborers be sent out to reap. We stay busy at work, while people all around us are ripe and ready to be harvested; we do not reap even one of them, but simply waste our Lord’s time in over-energized activities and programs. Suppose a crisis were to come into your father’s or your brother’s life— are you there as a laborer to reap the harvest for Jesus Christ? Is your response, "Oh, but I have a special work to do!" No Christian has a special work to do. A Christian is called to be Jesus Christ’s own, "a servant [who] is not greater than his master" (John 13:16  ), and someone who does not dictate to Jesus Christ what he intends to do. Our Lord calls us to no special work— He calls us to Himself. "Pray the Lord of the harvest," and He will engineer your circumstances to send you out as His laborer.

 

圣灵所结的果子，就是仁爱，喜乐，和平，忍耐，恩慈，良善，信实，温柔，节制。这样的事，没有律法禁止。 加拉太书5:22-23

 

仁爱是以基督的样式回应人们的怨恨。

喜乐是以基督的样式回应令人沮丧的环境。

和平是以基督的样式回应困难，威胁与焦虑。

忍耐是以基督的样式回应一切怒气。

仁慈是以基督的样式回应所有冷酷不仁的人。

良善是以基督的样式回应恶人及其恶劣的行为。

信实与温柔是以基督的样式回应谎言与狂暴。

节制是以基督的样式回应一切刺激你，打击你的处境，使你失去冷静之心。

 

省思：基督样式的回应决不会是期望中的反应。

 

Lord, help me to never exchange your truth for a lie. Where I have accepted a lie as truth, reveal that to me. Help me to clearly discern when it is the enemy who is speaking. I don't want to think futile and foolish thoughts or give place to thoughts taht are not glorifying to you(Romans 1:21). I don't watn to walk according to my own thinking (Isaiah 65:2). I want to bring every thought captive and control my mind.

 

Your word is "a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart" (Hebrews 4:12). As I read your word, may it reveal any wrong thinking in me. May your word so etched in my mind that I will be able to identify a lie of the enemy the minute I hear it. Spirit of Truth, keep me undeceived. I know you have given me authority "over all the power of the enemy" (Luke 10:19), and so I command the enemy to get away from my mind. I refuse to listen to lies.

 

Thank you, Lord, that I "have the mind of Christ" (1 Corinthians 2:16). I want your thoughts to be my thoughts. Show me where I have filled my mind with anything that is ungodly. Help me to resist doing that and instead fill my mind with thoughts, words, music, and images that are glorifying to you. Help me to think upon what is true, noble, just, pure, lovely, of good report, virtuous, and praiseworthy (Philippians 4:8). I lay claim to the "sound mind" that you have given me (2 Timothy1:7).

 

To be carnally minded is death, but to be spiritually minded is life and peace. - Romans 8:6

 

这几天困得不行。一是缺觉，一是因为咬牙切齿的做瑜伽，一是秋乏，从早到晚几杯咖啡都没什么作用。

 

今天morning recess的时候，Hey Lim说没什么好玩的。我就拉起她和KK的手，满场跑着抓其他三年级的学生。我说这个游戏叫"Net and Fish"，以后我不再喊集合了，每天该回去的时候就一个一个地抓来。。他们大多觉得比较刺激，我还有点小小得意。

 

下午一直打哈欠。临放学之前给C发了一个文档，记录我看到的孩子们的优点：

1. Andrew回帮忙把作业本搭整齐。

2. Eric常常记得提醒同学们要安静。

3. Alex经常帮我拿东西。

4. Hanse最近比较愿意改正错误。

5. KK的作业质量提高了。

6. Khye总是很遵守纪律。

7. Stephen做Lunchroom monitor恨认真。。

 

C很感动，她说她要一条条地读给孩子们。我心里也很温暖。神又听了我的祷告。。他帮助我学习怎么show love。。

 

放学后我把Emily留了下来，想要帮她补Phonics，Audrey很任性，非要一起留下来，妈妈来了也不愿意走。讲了一点Phonics之后，我让她们做功课，又帮她们理清阅读课的思路。等Emily走了，C跑来说，她需要找我聊聊。原来这个学校不能给学生补课。因为会对其他的学生不公平。。我有点愣，因为这样的话，我就不会有时间跟她们解答问题。如果她们不懂，没有学会怎么办？后来知道她们唯一的办法就是请家教，而那个家教也不可以是任课的助教。。就是说，我的孩子们只可以请（付费或者不付费）其他年级的助教做家教。。我有点晕。。C解释说，她只是不想让我get into trouble，因为学校的韩国家长十分喜欢竞争和攀比，她们会complain。。而且很多都不是Christian, 不能理解老师想要，单纯想要帮忙的心。。

 

又长见识了。。外国学校的原则性可真强。。妈在电话里说，在中国的学校，校方和家长都求之不得呢。。其实我还是觉得没什么错阿。。我的学生跟不上，为什么我不能花点时间帮帮她呢？

 

我和我的室友们现在不约而同的开始分享晚饭，少几个菜三人一起吃，很像一个家。今晚蜗居大结局，三个姑娘并排坐在沙发上看（虽然我看过了我还是去凑了下热闹）电视，感觉好像回到大学时代了。神的预备很好，都是没心机的，善良的女孩子。。丽平的男朋友说，如果她有兴趣加入基督教，他也会接受。。我跟明丽两个都很为他们高兴。。这个丫头曾经也在悬崖边缘徘徊了那么久，终于遇到了一个懂得珍惜她的人。。

 

影视频道又开始放一个讲述中年人感情婚姻危机的片子。。现在满天的宣传都是不忠与背叛。。家庭。。家庭。。丽平是越看越气馁，明丽说她早就已经悲观。。我就无话可说了。。

 

星期天要去教会服事了，终于迈出了一小步。

 

计划近期去一趟南京，想念东郊的叶子。。

 

 

 

 

 

I cannot save and sanctify myself; I cannot make atonement for sin; I cannot redeem the world; I cannot right what is wrong, purify what is impure, or make holy what is unholy. That is all the sovereign work of God. Do I have faith in what Jesus Christ has done? He has made the perfect atonement for sin. Am I in the habit of constantly realizing it? The greatest need we have is not to do things, but to believe things. The redemption of Christ is not an experience, it is the great act of God which He has performed through Christ, and I have to build my faith on it. If I construct my faith on my own experience, I produce the most unscriptural kind of life— an isolated life, with my eyes focused solely on my own holiness. Beware of that human holiness that is not based on the atonement of the Lord. It has no value for anything except a life of isolation— it is useless to God and a nuisance to man. Measure every kind of experience you have by our Lord Himself. We cannot do anything pleasing to God unless we deliberately build on the foundation of the atonement by the Cross of Christ.

The atonement of Jesus must be exhibited in practical, unassuming ways in my life. Every time I obey, the absolute deity of God is on my side, so that the grace of God and my natural obedience are in perfect agreement. Obedience means that I have completely placed my trust in the atonement, and my obedience is immediately met by the delight of the supernatural grace of God.

Beware of the human holiness that denies the reality of the natural life— it is a fraud. Continually bring yourself to the trial or test of the atonement and ask, "Where is the discernment of the atonement in this, and in that?"

...when Moses was grown...he went out to his brethren and looked at their burdens. - Exodus 2:11

 

Moses saw the oppression of his people and felt certain that he was the one to deliver them, and in the righteous indignation of his own spirit he started to right their wrongs. After he launched his first strike for God and for what was right, God allowed Moses to be driven into empty discouragement, sending him into the desert to feed sheep for forty years. At the end of that time, God appeared to Moses and said to him, " ’. . . bring My people . . . out of Egypt.’ But Moses said to God, ’Who am I that I should go . . . ?’ " ( Exodus 3:10-11  ). In the beginning Moses had realized that he was the one to deliver the people, but he had to be trained and disciplined by God first. He was right in his individual perspective, but he was not the person for the work until he had learned true fellowship and oneness with God.

We may have the vision of God and a very clear understanding of what God wants, and yet when we start to do it, there comes to us something equivalent to Moses’ forty years in the wilderness. It’s as if God had ignored the entire thing, and when we are thoroughly discouraged, God comes back and revives His call to us. And then we begin to tremble and say, "Who am I that I should go . . . ?" We must learn that God’s great stride is summed up in these words— "I AM WHO I AM . . . has sent me to you" ( Exodus 3:14 ). We must also learn that our individual effort for God shows nothing but disrespect for Him— our individuality is to be rendered radiant through a personal relationship with God, so that He may be "well pleased" ( Matthew 3:17  ). We are focused on the right individual perspective of things; we have the vision and can say, "I know this is what God wants me to do." But we have not yet learned to get into God’s stride. If you are going through a time of discouragement, there is a time of great personal growth ahead.

 

就像我说得那样，我对这个片子上瘾了。为了解决这个问题，我用这个周末上网把它看完了。不可不说，它对我影响很大。演员演得太好，太自然真实，所以看的时候很容易入戏。昨儿我跟Gloria说，台词没有一句废话，却常常有惊人的贴切，或者敏锐的触觉。伏笔埋得自如，对比用的震撼。我很佩服这个作者“六六”，他/她必定是把生活品味得深广，对人性把握的，又很是掌握了文字技巧，所以才能收放自如，游刃有余。

 

本片的音乐制作也很成功，几个简单的旋律，把气氛，节奏都点出来了。片头片尾曲也很符合当今都市品味，带着些飘渺晦涩。

 

片子到最后几集的时候，真是忽啦啦似大厦倾。我们这些局外人，对着走向末路的宋思明，对着日益孤独气馁的海藻，感情是很复杂的。作者显然是善良恩慈的，他没有刻板的剖析正义或邪恶。而是带着理解，同情，惋惜，与隐藏起来的泪水，甚至还有赞叹与认同，把那令人扼腕的结局一步步放在我们面前。

 

宋思明死的时候，我很想哭。这是一个让人既爱又恨的角色。我也是直到最后一刻才明白自己对他的喜爱已经超过了谴责。可是喜欢一个人不是纵容他犯错的理由，正如出墙的爱情不是破坏婚姻的理由一样。婚姻若非神圣，就全然没有意义。立下婚约的那一刻，两个人已然不可分离。诱惑是难免的，但意志的舵仍然要牢牢掌控方向。意志，而不是情感，才是真正的你自己。

 

心情被它影响了很多，加上本来就有些令人压抑的事情，所以晚上睡不好。不过早晨主给了我一首久违的诗歌。Higher Ground。反复吟唱的时候，它释放和提升了我。As a Christian, or a follower of Jesus, I'm pressing on an onward way. And pray the Lord to plant my feet on higher ground, on heaven's tableland.

 

在那里站稳了，往下看。。好似又回到太平山上，龙虎亭边，让海上来风把愁绪与阴郁一扫而光。。哈里路亚！这是一条永恒的highway, isn't it?