晚上很累，看了一些潘霍华所写的《做门徒的代价》。很喜欢他关于工作和食物的那段论述。记起之前读过的《内在革命》里对于良心的讨论。真的有种说不出来的感慨。一切都失序了，一切都离开了原本的轨道和模样。

 

 

 

 

 

My friend you can trust God today

He is good and He is good all the time

But as you focus on His goodness

Don't miss His greatness...

 

He is unparalleled and unprecedented

He is the centerpiece of civilization

He is the superlative of all excellence

He is the sum of human greatness

He is the source of divine grace

His name is the only one able to save

And His blood is the only power able to cleanse

His ear is open to the sinner's call

His hand is quick to lift the fallen soul

He's the eternal lover of us all

Every one

And you can trust Him

 

He supplies mercy for the struggling soul

He sustains the tempted and the tried

He sympathizes with the wounded and broken

He strengthens the weak and the weary

He guards and He guides the wanderer

He heals the sick and cleanses the leper

He delivers the captive and defends the helpless

And He binds up the broken-hearted

He's for you

And you can trust Him

 

Jesus is the key to all knowledge

He's the wellspring of wisdom

He's the doorway of deliverance

And He's the pathway of peace

He's the roadway of righteousness

He's the highway of holiness

He's the gateway to glory

And yes you can trust Him

 

Jesus IS enough

He's the all sufficient King

He's the King of the Jews

He's the King of Israel

He's the King of righteousness

And He's the King of the ages

He's the King of Heaven

He's the King of glory

He's the King of kings and

He's the Lord of lords

And yes again you can trust Him

 

And rejoice in this my friend

He is a sovereign King

There is no gauge to measure His limitless love

There is no barrier to block His blessings outpoured

He is enduringly strong

And He is entirely supreme

He is eternally steadfast

He is immortally faithful

He is imperially powerful and

He is impartially merciful

He is Jesus God's Son

And you can trust Him

 

I wish I could more accurately describe Him to you

But He's indescribable

He's incomprehensible

He's invincible He's irresistible

You can't outlive Him

And you can't live without Him

The Pharisees couldn't stand Him

But they found they couldn't stop Him

Pilate couldn't fault Him

Herod couldn't kill Him

Death couldn't conquer Him

And the grave couldn't hold Him

 

My friends

He's the Alpha and Omega

The first and the last

He's the God of the future

And the God of the past

And we rise to speak His name again and again

Jesus Jesus

He is Jesus

He is for us

And we can trust Him  

 

亲爱的主，我来香港的第四年，今天是一个纪念日，有很多的内涵，有很多的回忆，有很多很多的感慨。今天我要为你筑一座坛，为你的引领，你的保守，你的恩典，你的道路，你的应许，你的供应，和你自己。我要为你筑一座坛，把自己放在其上。我是什么，你竟然喜悦我，顾念我？我是什么，你竟然要我，等待我，寻找我，忍耐我，陪伴我，爱我。。

 

主啊，求你给我单纯，炽热而恒久的爱，求你给我一颗不使你蒙羞的信心。让我活着就是为了见证你这位至高，至圣，至大，至善的神，向着不配的人，不住的倾倒自己的爱。。

 

主啊，不让我离开你的祭坛。。帮助我，不让你的仇敌有机会因我而嘲笑你。。

 

我是软弱无能的，主啊，但这不是我的借口，因为你是全能的，你是得胜的，你是我救恩的元帅。

 

我的主，唯有你，从亘古到永远，唯有你。。

 

卓越成功的秘诀在此：竭尽心力的工作，但丝毫不要仰赖你的工作。竭力祷告求神祝福，但同时也要非常努力，耐心，坚毅不拔的工作。

祷告然后工作，工作然后祷告，之后仍旧是祷告，工作，然后工作，祷告。如此延续你一生的年日，最后必会得到丰盛的赐福。 - 乔治慕勒

 

 

你岂不曾知道吗？

你岂不曾听见吗？

永在的神耶和华，

创造地极的主，

并不疲乏，也不困倦；

他的智慧无法测度。

疲乏的，他赐能力；

软弱的，他加力量。

就是少年人也要疲乏困倦；

强壮的也必全然跌倒。

但那等候耶和华的

必从新得力。

他们必如鹰展翅上腾；

他们奔跑却不困倦，

行走却不疲乏。

 

以赛亚书 40:28-31

 

阿门！

 

 

 

学走路的我，会一遍遍的对自己说，“慢慢儿，慢慢儿”。用我们乡音发出来，这个词很具有安慰性，柔柔的熨在心上。戏剧性的是，我这么多年的路，最缺乏的，恰就是这一个“慢慢儿”。想得太远，走得太仓促，所以失去了一个又一个的此刻，也连连的选错了目的地。然而我是极幸运的，---- 在父神的罗盘里，我总没有走出他的计划。

 

我现在很想重新的学走路，走在当下，每一步，每一天，都稳稳的，丰盛的，充实的去生活。不要让明日的忧虑，抑或未来的期盼，使今天失去光彩。总要趁着还有今日，还有这一小时，这一次呼吸，来寻找我主的踪迹，来赞叹他的美丽。

 

慢慢的走，用心的走，向着他走。

 

只在今天。

 

 

 

 

 

 

对于一个基督徒而言，唯一的利益是更加像神，更加认识神，更加亲近神。

除此以外，无论成功抑或失败，快乐抑或痛苦，都是浪费掉的经历。

 

 

 

你的恩典每天够我用，纵有困难也不会逃避，有你与我一起，我还惧怕什么，赐我勇气去改变自己

耶稣，耶稣，耶稣，奉献一生，皆因最爱是你

为了你，我愿将一切抛弃，耶稣为要得着你

我已经决定，我一生最爱是你

 

雖然無花果樹不發旺，

葡萄樹不結果，

橄欖樹也不效力，

田地不出糧食，

圈中絕了羊，

棚內也沒有牛，

然而，我要因耶和華歡欣，

因救我的神喜樂。

主耶和華是我的力量，

祂使我的腳快如母鹿的蹄，

又使我穩行在高處。  

I'd like to share it with you, Grace, my dear sister. Let's rejoice that we're only jars of clay, so that the power of our God can be revealed from within us.  

In a world where power, prestige, and “feeling good” dominate our motives, how can we expect to see value or victory in humility, fragility, and brokenness? Writing to the Corinthians, the apostle Paul attempts to answer this timeless question by relating how the very light of Christ is set within the hearts of weak, frail men and women. And Paul is inspired by the Holy Spirit with the perfect image to get his point across: jars of clay.

Power in Weakness

    He explains, “But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed” (2 Corinthians 4:7-9 niv)

    The people of that day had basically two types of storage containers. The superior kind was made of bronze; this was where they put things they wanted to protect. The other type was fragile clay jars. These were cheap, easily broken, and essentially disposable.

    It was into these fragile vessels that God poured His “all surpassing power.” Paul notes in verse 6 of the same chapter, “For God, who said, ‘Let light shine out of darkness,’ made His light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ.”

    Paul is talking about the very power of God, who created light out of darkness, who fashioned all that exists out of nothing at all, who sent Jesus Christ into the world for the salvation of mankind, and who enabled each of us to encounter Him in a personal, compelling way. How difficult it is to explain why all that power was poured into the most fragile, breakable container imaginable: humanity.

    That we can be useful in ministry, that the Gospel has been spread by men and women, that we can read and understand the Word of God—these facts all point to the power of God within us and not to any ability of our own.

Cracking Under Pressure

    To prove his point, Paul lists some dangers facing jars of clay and then explains how God’s power overcomes the obstacles. First, he says that we’re “hard pressed but not crushed.” (verse 8a) This refers to the outside pressures that we face. Just as a strong man can squeeze a clay pot until it breaks, the pressures of life build up and squeeze us almost to the breaking point. The power of God—our treasure here—is that no matter how severe the pressure, our burdens cannot crush the life from us, nor break us beyond God’s ability to heal.

    The second danger he notes is being “perplexed, but not in despair.” (verse 8b) This shows that it is normal for us to feel the strain of our burdens. We’re not superhuman. Life hurts, and it is okay to admit that. However, we can do so without fearing that our worries have the capability of crushing our spirits.

    The third thing Paul mentions is that we are “persecuted, but not abandoned.” (verse 9a) Paul’s audience would have known what he meant by persecution. He himself had participated in hunting down Christians and having them killed. But despite the persecutions, the power of God remains inside the vessel. It can never be taken away, and it will never leave us. (Hebrews 13:5)

    Fourth, Paul says that we are “struck down, but not destroyed.” (verse 9b) In its context, this was most likely a reference taken from Roman wrestling competitions. For a wrestler to be thrown down on the floor, it was considered a setback, but not an automatic defeat. It may hurt, and sometimes we may not want to get up. But Paul is saying that when life does throw us down, we have access to the power that can lift us back to our feet.

Trouble is Coming

    An often shocking realization for new believers is that faith in Jesus Christ will not spare us from the world’s slings and arrows. These include peer pressure, the temptation to sin, and the odd looks and cruel comments directed at us simply because we dare to take a stand for Christ.

    The Lord Himself knew about the severity and painfulness of these attacks and warned that in the world we will face trouble. (John 16:33) Paul knew it, too. We will be pressed by the world; we will be persecuted; we will be perplexed; we will be struck down. These attacks do not mean our faith is weak. In fact, Scripture assures us we will not be tempted or pressured beyond what we are able to bear. (1 Corinthians 10:13) Therefore, a time of intense pressure in our life may actually be a testimony to the strength of our faith.

“Just As I Am”

    Too many people think that they can’t come to Jesus until they clean up their act. This is completely unscriptural. Surprisingly, seven out of ten Christians believe that the Bible contains the well-known line, “God helps those who help themselves.” It doesn’t.

    The truth of the matter is that the Bible teaches quite the opposite. Jesus does not say, “Pull yourself together and come to Me.” Instead, He calls, “Come to Me,
all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” (Matt. 11:28 niv)

    Something terrible happens when we try to put our broken lives back together on our own: we arrange the pieces in such a way as to make our lives into what we think they should be. And we do this forgetting that this may have been the very cause of our brokenness to begin with.

What Does God Want from Us?

    People often try to hide their broken pieces from God. This is a tragic error. God does not expect us to be perfect; He knows that we cannot do it. Therefore, we must not hide our brokenness from Him, the holy One who can restore us wholly.

    Do you want to bring God a pleasing sacrifice? What do you think He wants? Don’t bring Him your good deeds. Don’t bring Him the best you can offer. Don’t bring Him your Bible study or your memory verses. Bring Him your pieces. “The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, You will not despise” (Psalm 51:17).

    Show Him that you trust Him to re-form you. The result will be what God promised us through Paul in 2 Corinthians 4:17: that our broken pieces will achieve for us an eternal glory that far outweighs our brokenness. You see, your brokenness is not destroying you. In God’s hands, your brokenness is what is preparing and equipping you for an “eternal glory,” available only through Jesus Christ.

    God simply wants you to bring Him your pieces. There is an unbelievable freedom when you come to the Cross so broken, so beaten, so completely crushed that you know beyond a doubt that you can’t fix yourself. At that point, more than any other time in life, you find yourself face down at the foot of the Cross saying, God, I just can’t do it. I can’t fix this. Please do this for me.
If you can’t get your pieces back together, maybe it is time for you to stop trying so hard to do it for yourself. God’s hands are more than big enough to hold all the shattered pieces of your broken life.

—Allen Harris 

 

要对付一个罪，最紧要的，是不使你烦恼或不安；因为烦恼或不安是从“骄傲”中和“爱自己的优点” 中发出来的。我们若觉得我们是什么人，我们就要受伤了！如果我们灰心失望，我们就更软弱了！当我们想到自己的过犯而发生一种愤恨时，这愤恨是比那过犯更不好的。

 

一个真实谦卑的人，对于自己的失败和缺欠是不惊奇的。愈看见自己的败坏可怜，也愈会将自己弃绝给神，也愈进前和神亲近，亲密，合一，就更可以得着深永远的力量。因为神自己说：“我要教导你，指示你当行的路，我要定睛在你身上劝诫你”

 

你的惧怕是从哪里来的呢？只要你自己依赖神，完全交给爱你的神，那还有什么危险呢？啊！他并不欺你，他要给你丰富，高过你最高的盼望。至于那些对自己有什么盼望的人，就要被自己所欺，并要如同以赛亚那样受神的责备说：“你因路远疲倦，却不说这是枉然”。

 

 

 

1. I’d rather have Jesus than silver or gold;
    I’d rather be His than have riches untold;
    I’d rather have Jesus than houses or lands;
    I’d rather be led by His nail-pierced hand

2. I’d rather have Jesus than men’s applause;
    I’d rather be faithful to His dear cause;
    I’d rather have Jesus than worldwide fame;
    I’d rather be true to His holy name

3. He’s fairer than lilies of rarest bloom;
    He’s sweeter than honey from out the comb;
    He’s all that my hungering spirit needs;
    I’d rather have Jesus and let Him lead

 

* Refrain:
      Than to be the king of a vast domain,
      Or be held in sin’s dread sway;
      I’d rather have Jesus than anything
      This world affords today.

 

我寧願有耶穌，勝得金錢，
我寧屬耶穌，勝得財富無邊；
我寧願有耶穌，勝得華宇，
願主釘痕手，引導我前途。

 

我寧願有耶穌，勝得稱頌，
我寧忠於主，成全祂的事工；
我寧願有耶穌，勝得名聲，
願向主聖名，永赤膽忠誠。

 

恩主比百合花，更加美艷，
遠比蜂房蜜，更加可口甘甜；
惟主能滿足我飢渴心靈，
我寧願有主，跟隨祂引領。

 

Refrain

勝過做君王，雖統治萬方，卻仍受罪惡捆綁；
我寧願有耶穌，勝得世界榮華，富貴，聲望。

 

 

 

 

 

雨是如此的从容，仿佛已经无声息的飘落了数千年。想起《挪威的森林》里的一句话“就像全世界的雨落在全世界的草坪上”。很空的文字，却又莫名的让人心动。The unutterable. 我喜欢这种感觉。

 

好多天没有见太阳了，买了一把金灿灿的雏菊，摆在白色的小冰箱上，很可爱。昨儿Grace来跟我聊天，两个人靠墙坐在床上，好像回到大学里，温暖，放松，十分享受。姐妹们真好，我爱你们。:-D

 

病了，呵呵，脸色奇差。小那的私家处方是：祷告，水，果汁，睡眠，还有唱歌。不过最后的这一条要减少些，因为昨儿梦里咳嗽的很猛烈，不知道是不是说多了话，咽炎又作怪。

 

尼希米记十分宝贵。神让我们知道，但凡我们要起来建造时，仇敌都会用尽全力使我们胆怯，灰心，以至于手软而不能做工。主啊，兴起，坚固我们的手，救我们脱离一切的恐惧。

 

 

Alison has become my fondest singer. I love her voice, her style, and her choice of songs. There's something crystal, something mysterious, something sparkling, something innocent...Delicate, silky, elegant..beyond my description. Be it sadness or joy, she could make it clear, pure as the azure sky of september. There's also a fantastic praise album <I know who holds tomorrow>. Check out the song "Jewels". It'll cheer you up. :-)

 

 

Stood out in the rain.
Let it soak me down,
Before I called you...
I called you.

You did not see me there,
Hidden by the dark,
Beneath your window,
But I saw you.

When putting on a face for the mirror on the wall.
Dreaming that the looking glass is you.
Catching my fondest gazes;
Living through my fickle phases.
I love you.

Spend my time on 'phones,
Tryin' just to talk,
But you didn't answer...
You let it ring.

Spend my nights alone,
Catching fallin' stars,
To give to you, love.
They're just for you.

Stars fall every time a lover has to face the truth.
And far too many stars have fell on me.
And as they trail the skies,
And burn their paths upon my eyes,
I cry.

And it's getting easier, each day, to weep about you.
Harder, every night, to sleep without you.
How many years must I be,
Driven by this dream of love with you?  

 

 

 

第二次发生这种事情了，最心爱的衣服，拿出来单独洗，它自己却染了颜色。我很难过也很无奈的盯着它看了会儿，就横了心把它塞到抽屉底去了。有个细细的声音对我说，你所爱的，所珍惜的，都会变，你自以为最稳妥的方式也无法保全。。我知道他在指什么，只是愚蠢的人就是听到了也不会醒悟的。

 

昨晚真切的回想起许多往事，心就像掉进冬天的湖水里一样。接着Eva电话时，我的眼泪就已经忍不住了。我缩在床角，蜷成一团痛哭。Let nobody touch me..I won't go anywhere...please don't hurt me...当我说出这些话时，才明白自己心底的恐惧依旧深不可测，我又成了那个躲在黑暗里舔舐伤口的流浪猫，一个在冬夜里走失了的小女孩。为了保护自己，我筑了许多的墙，最终却成了我自己的牢狱。我仍旧不敢走出去，我仍旧不敢面对现实，我仍旧不敢与人连接。在我的深处，并不信任任何人。。

 

如果这个世界的每一天都如同今日，雨静寂的落在窗台上，听着温柔的歌，注视迷蒙的远方，不见人，也不说话。如果是这样，我就不会受伤害。然而，如果我的一生都是这样，我就等于没有存活过。。那把火已经残烬，只留下呼吸的能量罢了。。

 

* * *

 

你想不想真实而勇敢的活下去呢，我的小女孩？你想不想呢？

 

记得么？我每一天都会对你说一句“不要怕”。所有的烦扰，所有的负担，所有的结果，都由我来负责。你的日子，你终生的事，你虽未曾度过，都写在我的手掌上。。所有的惩罚，我都为你承受。。所有的亏欠，我都替你担待。。所有的欺骗，我都为你驱散。。所有的伤痛，我都帮你抚平。。所有的耻辱，我都为你抹去。。所有的风浪，我都为你平静。。所有的叹息，我都为你舒缓。。所有的泪水，我都帮你擦去。。我的小女孩，你是我珍爱的。。我宁愿自己受苦，也不要你在黑暗里挣扎。。我知道你孤单，所以我来寻找你，陪伴你。。来吧，到我怀里来吧，我要给你安息。。

 

 

 

 

 

 

这里的诗歌很全也很好，有许多许多我没有听过，非常美丽，不知道哪里可以有卖。有信心的先辈说，灵修时最好有一本诗歌在旁。唔，我记得第一次去家乡的教会，嫌那里的诗歌晦涩且拗口，现在才明白其中有许多的珍宝。上次郑牧师建议我们每周学一首诗歌，我很想每天学一首诗歌。不过现在记忆力明显减退，怎么都觉得没法把歌词背下来呢？

 

这首《每一天》的旋律，第一次听的时候，并不是这些歌词，而是首根据雅歌改写的，叫做《主耶稣你美丽夺了我的心》。。最后一句我还记得是，“看哪主，为你我献上好”。第二次听的时候，是在youtube上，那段为被困的韩国弟兄姐妹制作的视频。我看着哭了，而且哭得很厉害。不知道他们手边能不能有本圣经，或者他们能不能记得几首诗歌，可以彼此勉励，得着力量和安慰。。我应该多背诵些，多多背诵一些。

 

每一天所度過每一時刻，我獲得力量勝過試煉；
我信靠我天父智慧計劃，無理由再憂慮並掛念。
祂心仁慈遠超一切度量，逐日賜我祂手所量定；
憂或喜都顯明祂的慈愛，勞苦中融主甘甜。

 

每一天，主自己與我相親，每時刻賜下應時憐憫；
每重擔主甘願背負安慰，祂名稱為策士、全能者。
主保護祂兒女如同珍寶，為成全此使命不稍卻；
「你能力必像你日子一般，」所賜保証何甘甜。

 

每試煉都彰顯救主恩助，我只要信靠寶貴應許；
甜安慰，使我信心更堅定，你神聖話語成我供應，
每一次我遇見痛苦患難，都願從父手歡然接受；
每件事隨時光如水逝去，我要與主永同在。

 

 

 

 

当我碎到毫无气力的时候，我才知道从前所谓的奉献，那种种带着自怜的豪情，都是伪装的骄傲。仿佛一个无法站立的瘫子对着全能的神说，我愿意成为你的战士。。一个满身罪污的女人对着尊贵的主说，我愿意成为你殿中的祭司。。一颗水滴对着大海呼喊，我愿意将自己奉献给你。。永远，永远，都不是神得益。。我的存在，在千年里不过一瞥惊鸿，甚至连眨眼的功夫都没有就消失了。。更何况我的软弱为我的主添了多少的麻烦，我生命中的荆棘多少次扎伤了他的手心。。

 

我竟然为自己的“奉献”而暗自得意。。我是多么的诡诈啊。。哦，我的主，我谢谢你把我拿起来摔碎。。我恨不得把所有的骄傲都摔碎，把所有的自恃都摔碎。。我哪里可以为你做什么呢？离开你，我什么都不是。。盐若失了味，只能丢在外面任人践踏罢了。。我最合适的地位和动作，就是长久匍匐在你的脚前，时刻祈求你的怜悯。。

 

永远，永远，你是我的义，我是你的罪。我的神，唯独你，唯独你自己。

 

 

 

 

Have Faith In God
-----------------

Chords:

Am: X02210
C: X32010
D: XX0232
Dsus: XX0233
Em: 022000
G: 320003

------------

Em	     C	    D	          G
Oh Lord you lead me by the still waters
C	G	     Am	
Quietly restoring my soul
Em	           C
You speak words of wisdom
    D	       G	
The promise of glory
    C	      G	       Dsus D
The power and presence of God

G	     C	 Am	     G    D
Have Faith in God, Let your hope rest on 
    G	         C	    Dsus   D
The faith He has placed in your heart.
G	   C   Am	 G  D
Never give up, Never let go of 
    G	         C	        D	
The faith He has placed in your heart.

Em	    C	      D	              G
Oh Lord You guide me, through all the darkness
C	   G	    Am	
Turning my night into day
Em	     C
You'll never leave me
D	 G	
Never forsake me
C	      G	        Dsus D
The power and presence of God.

G	      C	   Am	      G    D
Have Faith in God, Let your hope rest on 
    G	         C	     Dsus   D
The faith He has placed in your heart.
G	   C   Am	 G  D
Never give up, Never let go of 
    G	         C	        D	
The faith He has placed in your heart.
G	   C   Am	 G  D
Never give up, Never let go of 
    G	         C	        D	
The faith He has placed in your heart.